I have a Vagina, hear me roar! Feminist Rant.

Can I ask why the worse thing you can be is female? Why is the word pussy used as an insult? I have a PUSSY aka VAGINA. Why is that bad? I can not expain how annoying it is to hear that word being used to as an insult. What if I said oh you throw like a boy.....great right? Ugh. But if I would say Oh you throw like a girl. THEN BAD.
Okay something else, I hate hate hate HATE seeing those stupid engagement ring commericals. Really, if you love someone so much, why is this huge diamond ring so significant? These commercials are saying that having this huge ass diamond on your finger is as important as being in love, that you have to have it in order to be in love. Can I call Bullshit? Please?! And also, why do you even need a ring?!?! I refuse to wear a ring. I hate it. No one owns me. And so what if I sound all Femmie, because I am.
Ugh too much right now.

Sorry, but the show will not go on.

I just realized I can not go on and write the second part of the last blog. I just can't , it has nothing to do with the pain, because I can deal with the pain and emotions. Rather it is something else. I don't want to keep going back and living in fear that they will take my dad away. I need to live for now and not the past. I can't keep thinking awful things and mostly I need to just live for my family. And mostly and selfishly for me. If I can't live for myself, how could I possibly live for anyone else?

The Real Story Part 1.

" Nothing's going to change my World." -The Beatles

The thing is, something has changed my world. Something I wish that had not happened. My Dad was sent to jail Feb. 15th 2007. The day was my boyfriend Kyle and my two year anniversay and the day my world changed. My father is a modest guy. He provides for his family and has a big heart. I'm just like my Dad, in almost every way.

Everything happened so fast, I just literally cringed at the thought of that day. A social worker had came to my house the day before, she needed to talk to my siblings and me. I was confused, angry and wanted nothing to do with this. I wasn't sure why this woman was here and mostly I just wanted her to go away. But that didn't happen. So one by one we took out turn sitting in the living room with this lady. (My heart is pounding right now) And she asked the most horrible questions in the world. Has you Dad ever touched you? Shower with you? Touch you in a wrong way?

God must have stopped me from punching this lady in the face or throwing up at her. I was shocked. I didn't know what to think. I answered them honestly , the answers being No to all of them. She then told me something even more shocking. That my Dad was being accussed of molesting one of my younger brother's friends.

What do you think? My mind was throwing all these ideas, some very unpleasant and wrong. My Dad isn't that guy, he will never be. I don't care what anyone thinks. Because Iknow the truth and so does God. Later on, I found out their only defense was that my Dad's handprint was on the kid's jacket. But the system fucked my Dad and our family. Our life.

So she left, my Dad came home from work, but I stayed in my room. I was scared, scared for my family and for my Dad. I didn't no what to do. I finally went to the kitchen to do something, it was late and I was going to bed. I went to say goodnight to my parents, my Dad was laying in his bed, after a long ass day at work. "That's stupid huh?" He asked me. "Yeah." I smiled. "Those people are so stupid man" He laughed and I laughed and felt a bit better. And went to bed. The next time I would see my Dad would behind a glass window.

(But for now, that's where I'll stop. I'm currently in Oceanside with my boyfriend Kyle, about to go shopping with his Mom. Before I can go downstairs, I need to recompose myself. Let the tears hide in my eyes , because no one knows my pain. But for now, Later.)